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How to Respond When Your Kid Gets A Bad Grade

This post is about how to respond when your child gets a bad grade on a report card. How you respond to your child can make all the difference.

School is almost out! It should be an incredible time of year. Only for some kids, it isn’t. If you’re anything like my household, sometimes your kids don’t always get the grades that you thought they would.

Perhaps you’ve known the bad grade was coming for a few weeks. Maybe you just found out when you opened the report card. Now that you know, here’s how to deal with it when your kid comes home with a less-than-stellar grade.

The grade is not about you

We have so many dreams for our kids and high hopes for their futures. We hope one day that they’ll be doctors, lawyers, dentists, engineers, or professors, just to name a few.

When your kid comes home with a bad grade, all that hope comes crashing down. You might feel embarrassed or disappointed.

However, if you find yourself thinking about what “others” will think, stop yourself. You’re headed down the wrong road.

woman in blue denim jacket using silver laptop

How your child performs today is not, I repeat NOT, an indication of how they will perform in the future. And it is definitely not about you.

Today’s kids have more anxiety than previous generations. And thanks to social media, they are constantly comparing themselves to people they don’t even know.

The last person they want to disappoint is you. They also don’t want to be compared to their siblings or cousins. And they certainly don’t care what your co-workers will think. How you respond to their failure can have a massive impact, both good and bad, on their future performance.

Be Empathetic

Whether it’s their first bad grade or the third, your child is definitely feeling the pain. By now, they’ve known it was coming and have been thinking about what to do about it, what to say about it, and worse, what you are going to say and do about it when you find out.

It’s super easy to get angry, but I encourage you to sit your child down and get ready to have a calm conversation. After asking what happened and why this happened, show some empathy. Let them tell you their side of the story, listen and repeat their thoughts about what happened.

Listen First

At this point, your job is to listen. If you ask too many questions and turn up the heat, your kids will likely shut down. Here are some typical responses that I’ve heard.

  • The teacher doesn’t like me.
  • The teacher never told me I was doing badly.
  • The teacher didn’t teach me anything.
  • I didn’t want you to be mad at me.
  • I’m not good at (fill in the blank).

I’ll be honest; this is the hardest part of the conversation. When my child’s first bad grade came home, I made too many mistakes.

a young woman using a laptop beside her mother

I’m guilty of yelling (What were you thinking?), accusing (You’re smarter than this!), blaming (You must not have tried hard enough!), and deferring punishment (Wait until your father gets home!).

Believe me when I say that these tactics do not motivate anyone. In most cases, it makes the child feel worse about the situation.

The last thing you want is for your child to start repeating these phrases in their head. It creates negative self-talk that takes years to break.

So, your initial response is critical. If you’re going to really help your kids out of this, you have to put your anger aside, listen, and repeat what they’re saying so they know you are hearing them.

Respond with Empathy

You can also respond with some words of empathy, otherwise known as words everyone wants to hear when they perform poorly.

  • That really sucks.
  • I can hear that you’re really sad/angry.
  • This sounds like a tough year.
  • We’ll figure this out.

Ask questions

Okay, you’ve put on your listening ears and are ready to get some real answers. Or rather, the answers that get down to the meat of the bad grade.

woman in blue shirt talking to a young man in white shirt

I want to remind you that your job here, again, is to listen first and then ask follow-up questions.

Remember that you’re not a lawyer. Your child didn’t commit an actual crime. He just broke a social norm – a norm that so many of us have broken, including me.

Also remember that this isn’t about the teacher, necessarily. Since this is the end of the year, you’re really trying to unpack what happened. Failing midyear is another approach entirely.

Gather information

These initial set of questions will help you unpack your child’s rationale behind the bad grade beyond “the teacher doesn’t like me.”

  • Did you do all your assignments?
  • Why did you miss some of your assignments?
  • What was difficult about some of the work?
  • How did you do on your tests?
  • Were you allowed make-up tests? Did you take advantage of that?
  • Did your teacher talk to you about your grade?

At this point, you should have gathered some good intel. Maybe they did all the assignments and scored poorly on all the listening sections. Maybe they didn’t do a final project. Maybe they bombed the midterm and were never able to come back since the tests were worth 90% of the grade.

Now that you know what happened and why they think it happened, it’s time to make a plan.

Make a plan

Before you make a plan. there are a few questions you need to ask yourself. The answer to the questions depends on their age and how it affects their future.

person holding white scroll

Is this grade going to affect learning next year?

If your elementary school child received a low reading or math grade, you should consider summer school remediation. You can find free opportunities through the school or the district. Take a look at your city’s recreation classes, too; although you may have to pay a small fee.

There are also plenty of paid tutors who can meet with your child in person or online. Crack open yelp and find local tutoring centers. We also had a great experience with Wizeant, an online tutoring service with tutors all over the world at various price ranges.

Will this grade affect their ability to graduate, culminate, or move on to the next grade level?

If your child is in high school and did not pass Spanish 1 or another graduation requirement, then yes, they are going to need to retake the course.

However, before you choose an online course, make sure your child has the discipline to do the work in a timely manner and on their own. Otherwise, look for an in-person option.

When my son did not pass Geometry during remote learning during the pandemic, he knew being in another online math class was not a good idea. We found a paid in-person geometry class, and I am happy to say that he passed with a B.

Chat with your child about the best option, but also use your own knowledge about how your child could perform. Use the information you gathered from asking questions to determine the best fit.

Is this grade going to affect college acceptance?

Since high school graduation requirements are often different than college requirements, you’ll need to check with the universities that you think your child is considering.

For example, when my son did not pass chemistry (it was a rough year, people), he took an online Earth Science class over the summer to still meet his high school and Cal State requirements.

Later, he decided he wanted to go to college in Washington, and lo and behold, Washington requires that all incoming students meet the CADR requirements, which included chemistry.

He resigned to take chemistry his senior year, but better late than never.

If you ask yourself any of these questions, you can start developing a plan that works for your child. The best advice I can give is not to make assumptions about grade level or college requirements. Do some research before choosing your next step.

Celebrate the wins

While it’s easy to focus on what your child did wrong, it’s best to refocus your energy on your child’s strengths. When I think about my son, I don’t think about his failed courses. I think about his resilience and passion.

man on a kick scooter doing a stunt

During the Covid shutdown, he wasn’t able to play soccer, so he started surfing and built his own bike surf rack from PVC pipe. After a surfing scare, he developed a passion for scootering and built a scooter ramp for the front yard out of recycled wood from a remodel. Scootering ultimately led to a series of injuries, and while in recovery, he tried a new sport, Kendama. Now he sees himself as a future pro Kendama player.

Although he may not do well in math and sciences, it took me several injuries and a few sports to realize that he can develop a hyper-intense focus on the things he loves.

Will any of these sports get him into college? Probably not. But his resilience will get him through life. And I’ll celebrate that over a bad grade any day.

Five Ways to Get Merit Aid

Merit aid is financial aid that is awarded to students based on their academic, artistic, athletic, or other achievements. This type of aid is usually awarded in the form of scholarships, grants, or other awards, and does not require repayment. Merit aid can help reduce the cost of college tuition and other educational expenses, making college more affordable for students who excel in their academic, artistic, and/or athletic pursuits.

Below are five ways to increase your chances of getting merit aid.

person holding fan of us dollar bills
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Apply early and apply to multiple schools – Many schools offer merit aid to students who apply early in the admission cycle. If you apply to multiple schools, you increase your chances of getting merit aid from one or more colleges. Remember that the early action deadlines are as early as November 1 or 15. Check with each college for exact dates.

Demonstrate excellence in academics – Merit aid is often awarded to students who demonstrate excellence in academics. Make sure to keep your grades up and take challenging courses. The minimum GPA you would need to qualify for merit aid is 3.0. The higher your GPA, the more money you may receive.

Participate in extracurricular activities – Colleges often award merit aid to students who demonstrate leadership in their schools and communities. Consider taking on roles in clubs and organizations and participating in community service projects. The key is to demonstrate your passion for a few things rather than participating in too many activities that don’t align with who you are, what you love, or your future goals.

Apply for private scholarships – Private scholarships are available from many organizations and foundations. Do some research and apply for any scholarships that you may be eligible for. Consider local scholarships that may be less competitive than national scholarships. Once you are accepted to a college, you will receive access to the university’s scholarship portal. If you spend time answering a few questions, the portals can identify over 100+ scholarships for which you qualify.

Demonstrate financial need – Many schools will award merit aid to students who demonstrate financial need. Make sure to accurately fill out the FAFSA so that schools can get an accurate picture of your financial situation. Even if you don’t think you qualify for FAFSA, some colleges require a FAFSA application to receive funds for which you are unaware. You could also experience a financial situation that may change your need to accept a student loan. Having a FAFSA on file can ensure you have a backup plan.

Are You Ready for College? Ten College Readiness Skills

College readiness is the ability to have the knowledge, skills, and attitudes needed to successfully transition into, and succeed in, college-level courses and programs. This includes having a solid academic foundation in reading, writing, math, and other core subjects, effectively managing time and prioritizing tasks, and having the confidence to ask questions and seek out resources to help with academic success.

Developing college readiness requires a combination of self-awareness, practice, and guidance from mentors and teachers.

man looking outside window carrying black and brown backpack while holding his hand on window
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Below are some specific college readiness skills and questions you can ask yourself to prepare for college.

  • Time Management: Are you able to manage and prioritize tasks to make sure that all deadlines are met? Do you turn in all of your assignments on time? Can you manage work, school, sports, and extracurricular activities?
  • Communication: Are you able to communicate effectively with teachers, classmates, and other school resources? Can you schedule your own doctor’s appointment, order a pizza over the phone, get a Lyft, or give directions to someone while they drive?
  • Organization: Are you able to effectively organize and manage assignments, lectures, and other important documents? Is your google drive organized and divided into folders? Can you quickly find things when you need them?
  • Research: Are you able to access and effectively use online sources? Do you know how to find or reserve a book in the library? Do you know how to paraphrase, cite, and write college-level papers with the appropriate academic language?
  • Critical Thinking: Are you able to analyze and evaluate data to make informed decisions? Can you think about an idea from multiple perspectives? Can you interpret charts, graphs, and maps? Can you put together furniture from Ikea?
  • Financial Literacy: Are you aware of the financial costs associated with college, such as tuition, books, and living expenses? Do you know how to access your checking and savings accounts? Do you know how to save money and deposit a check digitally and at the bank? Do you know how to budget items?
  • Self-Advocacy: Do you know how to advocate for yourself and ask for help when needed? If you were stressed, sad, lonely, or angry, would you know how to find the resources to get help? If you received a poor grade on an assignment or test, could you schedule and meet with the professor during their office hours?
  • Adaptability: Will you be able to adjust to the changing demands of college courses, such as new professors, assignments, and tests? If you and your roommate had different sleeping schedules or levels of messiness, would you be able to adapt?
  • Technology: Are you able to use computers and other technology to complete tasks and find information? Do you know how to seek help if your computer or phone breaks? Have you ever used Twitter for customer service?
  • Stress Management: Can you effectively manage stress in order to stay focused and motivated? Do you have a list of things to do to relieve tension in a healthy way? Do you know how to meditate or do breathing exercises to calm yourself?

You may not know how to do everything on the list above. Shoot, grown adults have trouble with many of the items. The college readiness list gives you an idea of the areas you may need to work on before heading to college. For example, if you’re 17 years old and haven’t ordered your own pizza or scheduled a doctor’s appointment, you might start there.

The point is to be aware of what you don’t know how to do and take some risks before you’re on a college campus and texting your mom about how to wash your clothes. Note: She’ll still gladly answer.

Summer Programs to Consider for High School Students

Summer is a magical time to expose yourself to new people, places, and ideas. It’s also a great time to step outside of your comfort zone and explore possible areas of interest before committing to a major in college. Take advantage of your summers and the programs below that offer something for every interest.

four person standing at top of grassy mountain
Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com
  • National Student Leadership Conference: This summer program focuses on developing leadership, communication, and critical thinking skills. Students participate in college lectures, networking events, and leadership workshops.
  • Nike US Sports Camps: This website offers a range of sports camps for high school students in your local area or around the country. From basketball to volleyball to lacrosse to soccer, students can choose a camp to suit their interests and improve their skills in their favorite sport.
  • Summer Pre-College Programs: These programs are designed to give high school students a taste of college life. Students can experience dorm living, study with professors, and take classes in a variety of subjects.
  • Outward Bound: This program offers a range of outdoor activities for high school students. From rock climbing and skiing to sailing and hiking, students can develop their outdoor skills and explore the natural world.

5 Reasons to Start with a College Advisor your Junior Year

It’s your Junior year of high school. You may not be thinking about college just yet, but you should be!

cheerful young woman using smartphone in street
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Your junior year is an important time to start thinking about and planning for college, and a college advisor can be a valuable asset in this process. Here are five reasons to consider a college advisor in your junior year:

  1. They can provide guidance on selecting and applying to colleges, help you research college options that you may not have been aware of, and assist you in creating a plan for the college application process.
  2. They can also help you create a timeline for completing tasks and provide advice on creating a strong college application portfolio.
  3. This is your last summer of high school. A college advisor can help you select summer enrichment activities or programs that align with your passions to help you be a more competitive applicant.
  4. Additionally, they can provide insight into the college admissions process, including advice on taking the SAT/ACT, writing essays, and evaluating scholarship opportunities.
  5. If you’re unsure what you want to major in, a college advisor can offer surveys to help narrow down your options. In the process, you’ll learn a little more about yourself and what careers work well with your personality.

Overall, your junior year is the ideal time to start working with a college advisor. College advisors are experienced professionals who are available to answer questions, provide support, and help you find the best college for your individual needs.

Foolproof Ways to Spend Less Time on Your Phone

Are you looking for ways to spend less time on your phone? This post takes your current habits into consideration and gives you four ways to drastically curb your phone habits.

The electricity went out last night for a full six hours. After two hours, our phones were dead, and everyone retreated to a different activity. My husband and I took the dog for a long walk. My son played Kendama. And my daughter read her book.

It was the best day since 2008 – the year I got my first iPhone.

I am definitely exaggerating. But it did remind me of the days when I wasn’t checking my phone 40 times a day.

More importantly, it made me wonder – what would you do if you had six hours of uninterrupted time every day? How would you use it? What would you do differently?

If I’m honest, the question really isn’t what would you do? I’m sure there are countless things you could think of to fill your time.

The real question is how could you do it?

I don’t have to remind you that we are a nation hooked on our phones. Clearly, you came to this post looking for ways to put your phone down, so let’s not waste any more time and get to it.

Below are four ways to curb your phone habits based on your perceived level of phone usage. Read through each level and identify yourself so you can select the right tool to help you use your phone less.

woman in white and black striped crew neck shirt holding black smartphone

Level 4 – I have Total Control

You can go for a few hours without using your phone. You can put your phone away when you need to and can easily control your usage, but there are those rare times when you need to hunker down and focus.

Solution: Delete Your Social Media Apps
Cost: Free

crop unrecognizable person using application on smartphone

Rationale: Deleting your most used apps is an easy and free fix that works if you don’t mind deleting and reinstalling your apps. Some apps have a hold on us by deleting our drafts, but if you don’t care if draft items get deleted, this is a good option.

If you want to ensure that you don’t overdo it once you reinstall your apps, try to create a routine to curb your habits.

For example, if you’d like to control your mornings, consider deleting the app before you go to bed and then reinstalling it in the afternoon or evening.

Once you reinstall, you can also set a timer. Use your smart devices around your house to help you out. You can often hear me say, “Hey Google, set a timer for 20 minutes.”

When the timer goes off, you can delete your app and resume your life.

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Level 3 – I have Some Control

You can leave your phone for up to two hours, but you need some support to put your phone away for any longer.

Solution: Install the Freedom App
Cost: 39.00 per year

If reinstalling your apps seems like a hassle, then the freedom app could be your next best solution.

The freedom app installs on your phone. Once you give it VPN access, you have a lot of control over what you can and can’t have access to.

You can ask Freedom to block specific apps or websites, or categories of apps like social media. So if YouTube is your vice, you can specifically block it on your phone.

Take a second to think about your biggest time-wasters, and go ahead and just block that app or website from your life.

If you’re looking to give yourself a consistent daily break, Freedom allows you to create sessions. Sessions can be for any amount of time and can occur repeatedly.

And if you’re prone to cheating on yourself, you can install freedom on multiple devices like your home computer and iPads. Freedom will block you wherever you need it to.

The first time I tried Freedom using the 7-day free trial, I set a 3-hour morning session.

I’ll admit that the first day was hard. I constantly checked my phone only to find that I was blocked.

I imagined it was like a drug addict looking for a fix, and that mere thought made me realize how bad my habit had control over me.

Schedule your sessions

My biggest problem was running to my phone as soon as I woke up to open Instagram. I’d make my coffee and start scrolling. Before I knew it, time had flown by and I needed to get ready for work in 10 minutes.

Freedom was a real eye-opener. I realized that Freedom really did give me Freedom to do other things, and I was hooked.

I paid the annual fee and added an additional block from 5:30 to 10:30 in the evening. This is the time when I should be preparing dinner, catching up with my family, and spending time on hobbies like writing this blog.

Freedom really makes you hyper-aware of your habit of looking at your phone. Unlike deleting and reinstalling apps, Freedom keeps you locked out for good, or at least until your session ends.

The way I see it, I get a few hours back to my life, and I like that.

low section of man against sky

Level 2 I have Little Control

You can’t be away from your phone for more than an hour, and you frequently look at your phone to check your notifications. You need someone or something to hold you accountable. You can’t do it yourself.

Solutions: Buy a KSafe
Cost: $69.00

Rationale: The KSafe, also known as the Kitchen Safe, is a locked case with a timer that you can use to store and lock your phones.

I first heard about the KSafe from Johann Hari, author of Stolen Focus. On Oprah’s Super Soul podcast, Hari talks about using the KSafe while he spends time with his partner.

If you’re one of those people who read about the Freedom app and were already thinking about jailbreaking your phone, then the KSafe might be for you.

While the KSafe is not indestructible, you’d have to go to some great lengths to break your phone out of it. And if you’re doing that, then there are clearly other issues you might need to deal with.

Use it for the family

The KSafe is also great if you want multiple people to focus at the same time. So, perhaps you have kids of all ages who need to focus during homework. Pop the phone in the KSafe for two hours after school and get everyone to focus.

Maybe dinner time is your biggest issue. Are your teens constantly interrupted and reaching for their phones? If so, ask everyone to place their phones in the KSafe for 30 minutes while you enjoy a meal.

The great thing about the KSafe is that you don’t have to delete or install apps. While the price tag is a little more than the app, you’d end up saving money if you used it for more than a few people in the household.

Finally, when the phones are in the KSafe, you might notice how being away from the phone affects your kids’ behavior.

Use the KSafe as a learning tool, and ask them to reflect on how they felt without their phones. What did they do instead?

Once you help them identify their behaviors, you might find them popping their phones into the KSafe on their own. And Wouldn’t that be nice?

girl and woman in white shirt eating vegetable salad
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Level 1 – I have No Control at all

You are constantly on your phone. You can’t be away from your phone for more than a few minutes. You get angry or stressed if you aren’t able to check your phone. You need a foolproof device that doesn’t let you access your phone at all.

Solution: Purchase The Light Phone
Cost: $299.00

joyful young woman phoning on street in evening

Rationale: With its sleek design that could almost pass for an iPhone, the Light Phone is your ultimate solution for blocking yourself from the apps or websites that take over your life.

If you’re someone who has considered the flip phone but doesn’t necessarily want to call attention to your lifestyle or habits, the Light Phone makes you appear as if you are keeping up with the latest celebrity doings without actually keeping up.

You have Options

Some people use the Light Phone as their weekend phone or take it on vacations to focus on family and friends rather than Instagramming your every moment.

The great thing about the Light phone, according to its website, is that you can use the same phone number as your existing phone and easily swap out your SIM card with your contacts.

You can also assign a new phone number if you don’t want to be contacted by your colleagues, for example.

girl with black backpack talking on the phone

The Light Phone could also be a great first phone for your pre-teens who are dying for a phone but for parents who are still trying to keep social media at bay.

Since the Light Phone looks like an iPhone, your kids won’t feel the social pressure of not having what everyone else has and can still text and call friends as usual.

Get Your Life Back

Finding the best solution for you to use your phone less will take some trial and error. However, whatever you choose will rely on your commitment to keeping it going. Keep track of your usage and watch those hours tick down. Then sit back as you take control of your life and start doing the things you love.

I’d love to hear from you – what tools help you use your phone less?

5 Easy Breakfasts for Pre-diabetic Teens

I assumed that the dark, discolored skin on the back of my daughter’s neck was dirt. My son had something similar on the creases of his arms, and with a bit of rubbing alcohol, it came right off.

I tried it again, but the stubborn streaks would not go away this time. “This one is on there,” I said to my daughter. But there was something about this dark skin that made me head to google. And to my surprise, there was the diagnosis– pre-diabetes.

I know what you’re thinking. Google is certainly not a doctor, but using my mother’s intuition and the fact that I had been enabling my daughter’s bi-weekly Starbucks and Boba habit, not to mention trips to McDonald’s with friends after soccer practice, I had an inkling that Google might be right.

I made an appointment with my daughter’s doctor, but they couldn’t fit us in for two more weeks, so I did what most mothers do. I tried to solve the problem myself — through food.

Finding low sugar or no sugar options for teens proved difficult. There were several options for adults, but I couldn’t imagine getting my daughter to try a 10-day sugar detox. More importantly, I didn’t want to subject her to severe diet culture and ruin her relationship with food.

I tried a gentler approach to wean her off of the sugar-laden diet that I had, in fact, enabled.

I’m not a nutritionist, but I know a bit about how to eat healthily through trial and error, so I started with breakfast. If I could just get my daughter to switch up her breakfast, we could add other options.

What follows are a few tips for changing your teen’s breakfast routines.

Photo by Keegan Evans on Pexels.com

The first thing you should know is that sugar is the actual devil. Sugar is the first food you need to diminish with a prediabetic child, and breakfast is usually the biggest culprit.

Eliminate the following:

  • Sugar cereals
  • Waffles
  • Pancakes
  • French Toast

Replace with the following:

  • 1 Egg with 1 tablespoon of cheese and 2 slices of premade bacon in a low-carb tortilla.
  • Avocado toast on sourdough bread or a brown rice cake.
  • Oatmeal with blueberries, half a banana sliced, and 1-2 tablespoons of peanut butter.
  • Dave’s bread toast with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and sliced strawberries

These are simple meals that a teenager can grab and go and my daughter’s favorites so far. Some professionals may not like that I’ve included bananas and bread, both of which have a high glycemic index. However, my primary goal was to teach her how to eat better overall.

Teens also have a habit of skipping breakfast altogether. This can cause lunchtime issues where they want to devour everything at noon and make terrible choices. Encourage breakfast so your teen doesn’t do this.

If you have a prediabetic child, make an appointment with your doctor to have them do a fasting blood test. This will confirm their diagnosis and give you the information you’ll need to start your child on a healthy journey.

For now, I hope these suggestions help you to prevent teenage diabetes.

3 Reasons You Should Start Golfing in Your 40s

Before this year, I had never given golf a second thought. The only golfer I knew was Tiger Woods, and the only reason to watch it was, well, Tiger Woods. Then I turned 45, and golf suddenly became part of my life.

Things changed when I turned 40. My friends changed. My work changed. My body definitely changed. Most importantly, my purpose for life began to shift. I started to think more about my long-term future. What would 65 year old me want the 45 year old me to know? The answers lay in a round of golf.

Golf for Work

On a recent company offsite, I was asked to play a round of golf with the big boys (i.e., CFOs and VPs). I was up for a promotion, and I knew playing a game of golf would definitely bode well for my chances. The problem was that I didn’t know a lick about golf. Sure, I could jump in the cart and join them as the beer girl on the green. But then I’d forever be known as Beer Girl, and that didn’t sit well with me.

So, golf was at the top of my list when it came time to select 2022 new year’s resolutions. Since then, I’ve watched Youtube videos to get myself up to speed, and I visit the range once a week. I’m not golf game ready yet, but when I am, watch out!

I did get that promotion after all, and my goal is to be on the green with the boys at next year’s offsite.

Golf for your Marriage 

Playing golf with my husband has been a trip. I’ve been married for 20 years, and the thought of the two of us in a golf match never made my vision board.

Aron was so humble when we first started. He kept reminding me that he’s not a pro, and he’s never had one lesson. He made it a point not to give me direction, saying that any advice he’d give me would probably be wrong. I appreciated that.

We tried playing tennis together in the past, and even with lessons from a tennis pro and playing on the local club team, he could still beat the snot out of me. I hated it and secretly cursed him every time I turned my back on the court. When we initially talked about playing golf, I had visions of whacking him during this gentle game.

Fast forward, and this could be furthest from the truth. For the first time in many years, I find myself asking my husband so many questions. What’s par? When do you know which club to use? How do I stand when I hit a driver? Why is it so quiet at the range? I thought men were loud. And so many more.

The truth is that golf has reignited my curiosity for him. I’m not afraid to ask dumb questions like what the P stands for on my club. More importantly, his answers are never condescending. He just answers them.

Golf gives us more time together and opens a new dialogue and a new language for both of us to communicate. After 20 years, the newness of marriage can wear off. Golf keeps it fresh.

Golf for your Future 

Golfing for your health is an obvious bonus, but golfing for your 65+ year old retired self is even better. Among the many epiphanies I’ve had in my 40s, the one I keep thinking about is what my life will be like when I’m older. Will I be able to climb a flight of stairs? Chase my grandchildren? Will I hang out with friends? And if so, what will we do?

I gave Mahjong a go just before the pandemic, and I can attest that although it was a social game A. It doesn’t withstand a pandemic, and B. There’s no movement involved.

I currently do Barre for strength training and Trampoline classes for cardio, but I didn’t think that intense workout was sustainable. Seventy year olds on Trampolines sounds deadly. I’m just sayin’.

I imagined my retired self traveling to Palm Springs, Hawaii, and Arizona. The warm weather would be perfect for my achy bones, and yes, there would be golf.

The walking. The sunlight. The friends. Yes, this is what my 65 year old self would love.

The more I play golf, the more I realize how many older people play golf. They don’t play for perfection and they definitely don’t play for strength. They don’t try to whack it as hard as they can. Instead, they’ve developed a finesse in their swing, something I hope to acquire in time.

Over the next few years, I’m sure new reasons will arise for the game of golf. Maybe I’ll play with my kids or grandkids. Who knows? All I know is that for now, this seems right. Excuse me now while I crack open Golf for Dummies. 

10 Things Teachers Can Do If a Student is Failing (for the Pandemic and beyond)

It’s the the second semester of distance learning, and I am beginning to read the news — students are failing, and the systems have failed them. The failing of students will have unimaginable consequences that will not only affect college eligibility, but their emotional well-being as well. I know.

My son just failed chemistry, and we are dealing with the repercussions of my failure to support him and the school’s failure to provide adequate guidance. Even after 10 weeks of paid professional tutoring, we could not pull him out of the slump.

With more than 20 years as an educator, I know there are ways, and I know we can’t give up. In another blog post, I will tackle what parents can do to support a child who is failing a class, but for now, here are my suggestions for teachers to attack the problem and save another student from failing right now.

  1.  Call the parent. This seems like a no-brainer, but I encounter several teachers who do not think it is their responsibility to contact the parent.  If it’s a high school student in 11th or 12th grade, then the teacher is even less likely to reach out under the assumption that they are only “preparing them for college.”  We often forget that kids in high school are still kids and many require a direct intervention from the teacher. We also know that teachers who are willing to build relationships with parents are more likely to turn the grade around. Kids recognize that you care and that you are not afraid to use the direct line to parents to support them. These can be awkward, but necessary, conversations. Regardless of the age, parents always want to hear about their child’s progress, so reach out and have a difficult conversation. 
  1. Plan for Scaffolds.  If you know that some concepts will be particularly difficult, plan to include scaffolds in your learning.  Let’s be real. Not every kid is going to get stoichiometry at the ripe age of 15. Identify additional media that students can reference when they get stuck. The last thing we want is for students to head to youtube to search for a topic and learn something that was not intended.  It is up to the teacher to find and vet the materials, and point students to the section they want their students to watch (i.e., watch at 1:15-1:30). Most students will search google and automatically click on the first video they see. While the first video might be helpful, it may not align with the course outcomes, and you may find yourself reteaching a concept that students inadvertently acquired. Undoing student learning is the worst. 
  1. Record and upload your live sessions.  The most significant benefit of pandemic teaching is the ability to record your sessions for students to review later. Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many excuses about why some teachers won’t do this — privacy issues, students should listen and take notes the first time, or students won’t pay attention if they know I am recording the lesson. I’m sure there’s more, but the real reason is fear.  Teachers fear recording their lessons and it being cut into a Tiktok or worse – a meme. Okay, that really doesn’t happen (or does it?) But fear is the real reason.  Recording your lessons opens teachers up to feedback and vulnerability.  Before the pandemic, they could close the door. Now, once recorded, it is out for anyone to see, including administrators.  While this could be an entire blog post in itself (note to self), let’s think about the benefits — recorded lessons support student learning.  When I first started teaching online, we called this “The power of the pause.”  We are essentially giving students the ability to go back and review the lesson, especially if they tuned out the first time.  If a student is failing, consider redirecting students to the guided notes with additional questions and asking them to review the video.  
  1.  Include guided notes.  For some students, guided notes help them stay focused.  There can be several distractions at home, and listening to your teacher on a zoom call can be difficult.  Providing students with guided notes can help them isolate the information, pull out key concepts, or encourage them to sketch essential ideas.  Cult of Pedagogy offers an excellent resource on notetaking.  Guided notes can later be used as a study guide or revisited during group workshops, pretests, or during a live session replay.  Guided notes help failing students revisit the content in a manageable format.  When left to students, notetaking can look like scribble scrabble, and reviewing unclear notes fosters poor study habits that lead to failing tests.  Let’s set students up for success by taking the guess out of organizing notes. 
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  1. Re-evaluate how Peardeck is used to check for understanding. Many teachers are indeed using Peardeck, but if students are struggling or don’t respond to your Peardeck questions, reach out to the student privately.  You may find that they do not want to be singled out for responding incorrectly.  I’ve heard enough live sessions in which a teacher says, “John, we’re waiting for your response before we move on.” Or worse, “John, you got the answer wrong. Go back and check your work.” I implore teachers to use a private chat.  A personal check-in will go a lot farther than a whole class cold call. 
  1. Schedule a personal check-in. Scheduling personal time with your students is the single best thing you can do for all students, but even more so with failing students.  Failing students often think their teachers don’t care.  What better way to prove them wrong than to schedule a 15-minute call with them to check in on their life beyond the classroom?  During this call, you might also find the root cause of their failure — a sick family member, an unexpected unemployed parent, taking care of siblings, or simply not understanding why the heck your content is relevant to them.  This newfound information could give you precisely what you need to provide a more personalized approach.  
  1. Require failing students to attend support workshops.  When kids (and, let’s face it,  most adults) see “optional,” they automatically opt-out. Students need to experience the benefit and sometimes that needs to be forced.  After X amount of workshops, make it optional. By that time, students can see if it’s worth their time.  
  1. Better yet, use pretests to enforce additional workshops or practice.  If a student scores below 70% on a pre-test, then it’s clear they need extra support.  Also, pretests help to ensure that your assessments align with your instruction. Many teachers create assessments after teaching the content and then throw in questions that they didn’t explicitly teach.  A pretest will help you weed out the confusing questions.  Everything you teach should be directly related to what was taught, right down to how you pose the questions.  I know this might be controversial, but I believe that if you are going to offer multiple representations of the same question, then all possible representations should have been addressed in the learning.  At that point, it’s okay to pose questions in another way. Once you receive the pretest data, reach out to parents whose child meets a minimum score to let them know you are holding mandatory workshops or office hours to support their child.  I dare you to show me any parent who wouldn’t support you 100%.  
  1. Set up productive study sessions for small groups.  Students can learn a lot from each other, but the worst thing we can do is to simply send students off in the hopes that they will work productively toward a common goal.  Productive study sessions are ones in which the teacher has prepared a document with key concepts, formulas, or any pertinent information along with a purposeful task.  Consider what students can purposefully do in their small groups.  Can they work through problems in which each person completes a portion of the solution? Can they discuss scenarios?  Can they evaluate essays using a rubric checklist?  Can they use gameplay with flashcards?  Ultimately, we need to teach students how to study. Providing students with a task gives them purpose and creates a safe, collaborative environment to be vulnerable to all they do not understand.  

10. Don’t give up. When I interviewed teachers, we posed a simple scenario to determine a teacher’s perseverance:  What would you do if a student is failing your class?  Job candidates began with typical responses like “talk to the student.”  But then we went further.  Then what would you do? Response. Then what?  Response.  What else? And what if that doesn’t work? We would push the candidate at least ten times.  Some would make it, and others, after three responses, would say, “Well, I guess I would just assume the student wasn’t going to pass.”  BUZZ.  Wrong Answer.  As soon as they said this, we knew the type of teacher they would be, and chances are, they didn’t get the job.  This scenario’s point is to prove there is always a way, and it’s up to teachers to find it.

As a new semester begins, I am trying my best to reconcile a pandemic with my child’s failing grade. Could I have done more? The answer is yes, and that is the failure I live with as a pandemic parent. However, now is not the time to place blame on myself or the teachers. Now is the time for solutions, and I hope these 10 strategies are a good start.

An Open Letter to Superintendents: How to support teachers in an online school

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Note: The following email was sent on July 14 as the district was trying to determine whether or not to reopen our schools during the pandemic. At the time, I was too afraid to publish it, but now I regret not sharing it with the education community. Please enjoy my actual sent letter (district removed). If anything, we should all be writing our superintendents so they know firsthand how parents feel.

Dear Dr. Superintendent,

Thank you for your communication to parents regarding the school reopening. I appreciate your willingness to invite public comment as you make the weighty decision to reopen schools. 

I should begin by revealing that my children are not returning to in-person classes this fall. I know that you have given students the option to attend hybrid classroom instruction. However, your guidelines presented at the parent meeting give me great pause and little confidence that X Unified can protect my children. With that said, I’d like to speak a bit about my expectations for online education.

I have been an online educator since 2009, and I know excellent online schooling when I see it. I know the components of a robust online classroom environment, the strategies that engage students, and the lessons teachers should create to build an effective online program. Unfortunately, I know that this program does not exist at X Unified.  

I also understand that remote learning is vastly different than true online learning, so I am willing to give this recent attempt a pass with great grace. Moving forward, however, I want to be confident my kids will receive a quality public education, and that starts with you.

My statements’ purpose is not to criticize instructors but to make you very aware that my expectations for online education are high. With that said, I want to make sure you are fully prepared to support teachers as they move to the online environment. 

Below are a few items I would like you to consider as you redesign online education at X Unified:

First and foremost, Teachers NEED support. In working with teachers and technology, from K-12 to higher ed, this is a constant in my work. I am not, however, talking about front-loading professional development. While helpful, PD alone will not make any teacher a great one. Please consider consistent support, and here is what that could look like: 

  1. Use Models:  Teachers need to see expected models of online coursework so they know what great online courses should and should not look like. Models will also help educators understand how to create an intuitive experience for students. The worst online experience is one that is not easy to navigate. Provide an agreed-upon example of how to organize information on google classrooms in a way that is coherent to students.  
  2. Recreate Rubrics for Modules and Live Sessions: What worked for on-ground instruction does not necessarily work for online courses. The rubrics you may have been using to evaluate teachers need to be dusted off and replaced. Redesigning these rubrics will help teachers understand new expectations for a quality online experience. The Quality Matters Rubrics are a good place to start. Of course, admin will need to be trained on this, too. Using recorded teaching sessions will help admin get up to speed, and asking them to create PD in google classrooms will also help them understand the workload it takes to create an effective course.  
  3. Assign teachers a coach: Admin who know online learning should coach teachers on a bi-weekly basis to start. However, it is also ideal to utilize your strongest online teachers who can serve dual roles. For me, this means reviewing modules in google classroom and providing feedback, especially at the beginning of the year. It also means conducting observations during the live sessions once classes begin. Teachers will need time and space to talk through their teaching methodologies. They will be frustrated and will want to quit. In fact, you may have already seen this in the spring semester. However, the key to retaining your teachers is consistent feedback to unpack modules and live sessions. Many teachers are still learning how to engage learners in online discussions, and their initial attempts will fall flat. Fidelity of Implementation takes time – loads of time. With feedback and an opportunity to unpack, they can get there.  
  4. Create weeks of content: This is a huge lift, but one I have to mention. Teachers should consider creating up to 8 weeks of content at one time. Building the content before school begins and organizing their Google classrooms with all the directions, assessments, and curated content frees the instructor’s time to focus on the weekly live sessions. I know this method is highly unusual for teachers, but in online learning, this is how we do it. If teachers create instruction every week, assignments and assessments rarely align with the intended outcomes, and learning falls flat. If teachers are asked to develop content and teach live sessions, you will see burnout sooner than you can imagine. The time teachers take upfront pays off in dividends once classes begin. 
  5. Provide opportunities for colleague feedback. At Hybrid High and at the universities I work with, we set up PD at the beginning of each course build for instructors to share their content with colleagues. In a trusted environment, we use the tuning protocol or conduct “dogfooding” sessions in which teachers move through the content like their students and provide feedback on the experience. The feedback is an immense support system that helps teachers get better. 
  6. Consider changing the schedule:  I wouldn’t usually suggest this, but in these circumstances, it is necessary to consider this for your teachers’ sake.  Give teachers time to plan between quarters. At Hybrid, we stopped instruction for two weeks after eight weeks of instruction. The time it takes to prepare an online course is DOUBLE. Teachers not only have to curate the content, but many also create videos, include extensive directions, write rubrics, and then organize that information into the LMS; it can be daunting. Giving teachers time to pause, re-assess and write online lessons, was the single best idea from Hybrid that spoke to our support of teachers in this new environment,  
  7. Set expectations for technology integrations:  Teachers are going to be bombarded with technology options. Ask teachers to select 3-4 core integrations and STOP there. Teachers will want to try new things. However, introducing too many technologies to students can hamper the intuitive nature of the course. Imagine being a student and being asked to learn a new tool on top of new content. Many teachers think that students are technology natives. Believe me when I say, they know Instagram and Snapchat, but beyond that, they will require explicit instruction. Being cognizant of student’s cognitive load is a must. 

Dr. Superintendent, I know this is a lot, and there is likely much more I could add. Shoot, it took me years of trial and error to figure out blended and online learning, and I am still learning. This Spring, I watched the slight train derailment and chalked it up to a rainy day (and COVID). But moving into the fall, I expect a different approach – one that will ensure my teens learn. I hope you will consider my ideas as you prepare teachers.  

I write to you as a concerned parent first, and an educator, second. However, I will be watching the content as it unfolds this fall, and I will give you additional input if needed.

Primarily, I want you to know that I care about the health and welfare of your teachers.

My work has always been about supporting teachers, and I hope my email reflects that concern.

Best wishes for the 20-21 school year!

Sincerely,

Dr. Christine Levinson